Computers have increasingly become an
integral, even intimate, part of our
daily life. They have changed the way we
do our work and the way we communicate
with others, but they also have become a
huge source of distraction, even
discord, in our relationships. Americans
are falling in love with their
computers.
Technology has made it possible for
people to work on their computers almost
anytime, anywhere. "Eighty-four percent
of people are more dependent on their
computers than they were a couple of
years ago," Technology consultant
Anthony Rodio says. That's why so many
people have difficulty getting off-line.
Rodio says people who rely on their
computer for work are more likely to
have a strong relationship with it at
home as well. "Frequently, when they get
home, they get on it under the pretense
that they're getting on it for work. But
they quickly devolve into doing other
types of surfing as well."
A survey by Rodio's company, Support.com,
found that the user-computer
relationship often interferes with the
user's human relationship. "Almost
two-thirds of Americans now say they
spend more time with their computer than
their spouse," he says.
This close reliance on computers can
affect the time people do spend with
others. "If there is a problem with your
computer, feelings are so intense
because you are so dependent on your
computer," he says. "It leads to anger,
alienation and sadness. That then spills
over into problems in their personal
relationship as well.
Psychotherapist Linda Miles, co-author
of The New Marriage, says computers have
become a distraction in many
relationships. "You can go for weeks and
weeks and not even look at your
partner," she says. "It's very important
to make connections everyday with your
partner, to not put up walls with each
other."
Technology can become an addiction,
according to relationship expert David
Coleman, the "Dating Doctor." He
compares it to having an affair. "You
would say someone is having an affair,
that used to mean that they are having
an affair with another person," he says.
"That doesn't necessarily mean that
anymore. People can have an affair with
technology. They can have an affair with
their computers, basically being on
their computer all the time. You've
heard over the years about the
responsible use of alcohol, the
responsible use of tobacco, I think
we're heading toward [needing to talk
about] the responsible use of
electronics."
People use technology not just to get
information, but to communicate. Coleman
warns that relying too heavily on
e-mails, text messages and instant
messages can hurt a personal
relationship, because there's no give
and take, no chance to see the other
person's reaction. "Let's say that you
are in a relationship with someone and
there is something that you really need
to discuss with that person about that
relationship," he says. "Before, you
would normally do it face to face. Now a
lot of people text each other, or they
send an e-mail to each other. What that
does is it lets them get their entire
point out, exactly the way they want to
say it, without any chance of being
interrupted. It's very one sided, until
you get the response back from the other
person."
However, Coleman says, if used properly,
technology can enhance personal
relationships. "Let's say that the
person you're involved with -- your
husband, your wife, a boyfriend or a
girlfriend -- you know that they have a
very tough day and you don't want to
bother them during that day, you can
send them a simple text-message that
says, 'I'm thinking about you, I love
you, hang in there.'"
As Americans celebrate Valentine's Day
this week (February 14), Coleman
suggests that dedicating more time and
undivided attention in person can be the
best gift to loved ones, especially in
our high-tech world. |
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电脑日益成为人们日常生活中不可缺少、甚至是无法隔舍的一部份。它改变了人们的工作和交流的方式，但同时也可能干扰、甚至破坏家庭关系。
科技飞速进步，使得人们几乎可以在任何时间、任何地点利用电脑完成工作。技术顾问安东尼.罗迪奥说：“84%的人比起两年前更加依赖电脑。”他说，这就是为什么有那么多人的生活几乎无法离开电脑。
罗迪奥说：“我们发现，越是那些工作与电脑有关的人，越离不开电脑。他们下班后一回家，马上又打开电脑。名义上是在工作，实际上他们会很快就会上网浏览其他东西。”
罗迪奥所在的Support.com公司进行的一项调查研究发现，使用者与电脑的关系常常会干扰到他们的人际关系。他说：“将近三分之二的美国人表示，他们花在电脑上的时间比和配偶相处的时间还要多。”
罗迪奥说，这种对电脑的密切依赖剥夺了他们与他人相处的时间。他说：“如果用电脑的时候出现了问题，你的感受可能会很强烈，因为你太依赖电脑了。你会感到生气、疏离、甚至难过，进而也会给你的私人关系带来问题。”
《新型婚姻》一书的作者、心理专家琳达.麦尔斯说，电脑已经成为很多人际关系中的扰乱因素。麦尔斯说：“你可能一连几个星期沉迷于电脑而忽略了你的伴侣。一个人每天都需要和另一半进行沟通，而不应该在两个人之间竖起一道无形的墙。”
人际关系专家大卫.科尔曼认为，高科技产品会让人上瘾，就好像一个人坠入情网一样。科尔曼说：“过去我们说，某人坠入了情网，一般是指他爱上了另一个人。如今这个说法可能要变了。人可以和高科技坠入情网，可以爱上他们的电脑，可以时时刻刻与电脑为伴。”
人们利用科技不仅仅是为了获得信息，还要进行交流。科尔曼警告说，过度依赖于电子邮件和手机短信会伤害人与人之间的关系，因为这种方式缺乏面对面的交流，不能看到对方的反应。
科尔曼说：“比如说，你和某个人交往，需要和他谈谈你们两人的关系。过去人们一般都会面对面地谈。而现在，很多人就用手机短信或电子邮件来沟通，这样一来，他们就可以在不被打断的情况下，用自己的表达方式把整个想法和盘托出。在别人回复之前，这种交流方式是单方面的。”
科尔曼说，如果可以恰当的利用高科技，就能够帮助我们改善人际关系。他说：“举个例子，与你有密切关系的人，比如丈夫、妻子、男朋友或女朋友，你知道他们今天遇到了困难，而又不想打扰他们，就可以给他们发送一条简单的短信，告诉对方：‘我很想你，很爱你。一定要坚持下去。’”
科尔曼建议，在现在这个高科技时代，拿出更多的时间和关爱给自己所爱的人，这才是维系感情的最好办法。 |
